What Women-Only Conferences and the U.S. Election Taught Me

Spoiler: Women can never (and may never) do enough.

It has been forever plus four years and we have not learned — nay, done — anything.

I’m fucking pissed. It’s Women’s History Month, it’s International Women’s Day and yet again, women are being overlooked, out-promoted, and down right written out of their destinies. It continues to be a terrible era for women — for working women like me, it feels especially like never-ending failures. 

2016

For me, the challenges of the workplace became emotionally draining the second half of 2016. I felt unable to juggle a demanding work schedule which involved business travel, while trying to make a community of non-techy “women in tech” happen and proving that I was management material to my white male bosses.

In my efforts to prove I could become a Mr[s] Manager that anyone would be proud to work with, I sought after the formerly beloved and since failed Ela Conf, a professional development conference for women in tech in Philadelphia. I had followed this community of ambitious tech-savvy women for over a year and desperately wanted to be a part of their tribe.

To my surprise, I was invited to moderate a panel on Leadership and Management at Ela Conf with free admission to see the whole conference and meet these women in action. I was so pumped. I had a feeling this conference would change my career. 

Ela Conf happened to fall on the weekend before the 2016 U.S. presidential election. The energy among the attendees was incredibly positive. A very high presence of “Yay sisterhood” and “We can do it!” quite literally concluded almost every talk. The women at Ela Conf brought Hillary Clinton’s feminist ethos and hard-earned positivity to the stage, fueling excitement and hope for the future. Stronger Together, right? (I, too, clinged to that feeling in the coming days when I voted for the first female presidential nominee). But while everyone was championing overcoming stigmas of the workplace, I couldn’t help but contemplate and obsess over why these conferences and ‘sheroes’ like Hillary Clinton needed to exist still: That in the year of our Lord 2016, we still needed to create safe spaces for women to talk career-y things was outrageous to me. And furthermore, that despite the resources and access to leadership paths these communities provided, women still needed to fight for what they deserved. 

I got resentful. (I still don’t know a single working male who attends like-minded conferences). I asked a few other attendees if they shared my concerns. I got a few head nods but no one seemed to mind investing in these types of professional development programs year over year (side note: Ela Conf was one of the more affordable conferences. Do a quick search for more prominent women-only networking events around the country and you’ll find that tickets climb up into the thousands).

I eventually left Ela Conf feeling conflicted: I absolutely loved every person I met and the platform we shared, but it also reminded me that these conferences still continue to exist because sexism, racism and misogyny fuels male domination across every industry.  

As election night unfolded a new motto came to the forefront: women can never and may never do enough to change things because there will always be an unqualified white male ready to take everything you’ve ever worked for away from you. The evidence is everywhere: all the times a male peer surpassed me for a raise or promotion without putting in much effort while I worked overtime or kept my head down. Or the times when I did get the courage to speak up at work and then received a “talk” about my communication style and suffered repercussions. Or when I’d prepare documentation setting me up for a successful raise or promotion only to be told I should be grateful for what I already have. Coupled with the reality that I’m still in a mid-career stage, the thought of having to keep fighting for basic equality was too much to bear. I simply had no desire to engage in meaningful career improvement.

Once Hillary Clinton lost the election, I decided to disengage and give up on career-y goals altogether.

“Why can’t women simply coast? How come men get to coast and are rewarded? Why are we still having these motivational conversations?”

Today

Not much has changed.

In the years since that election, I’ve been denied an offer that aligned with my hourly freelance rate. Again, I was given the “be grateful you have a job” ultimatum, forcing me to accept a lesser than salary while continuing to work overtime nights and weekends, and sacrifice personal time off for months on end.

I’ve sat in on multiple pitch rounds in rooms full of cis white guys in leadership roles. As expected, they butchered feedback to junior women creatives when they presented their work. The kicker: they eliminated those pitches altogether shortly after and instead assigned the women to clean up the remaining concepts without additional recognition or compensation. In some cases when Latinas were in the room defending their concepts, they were met with mansplain-y responses. In worst cases, junior creatives were berated in front of large groups for making minor mistakes.

The latest: March 2020 when Elizabeth Warren was forced to drop out of the 2020 U.S. Presidential race for similar reasons. A full circle of events that have me feeling at another all time low. Once again, America has broken my heart.